Shattered Dreams Part 3
by Terry Orlando
Summary: Tragedy puts a strain on Lee and Amanda's relationship.


SHATTERED DREAMS

PART THREE

_Amanda was falling...falling...falling..._

"Amanda?" She could hear Lee's voice in the distance.

Falling...

"Amanda. Wake up, honey."

Her eyes fluttered open. Lee was standing over her, holding her hand. She could feel the softness of the bed beneath her.

"It was just a dream," she said, still in a daze. "A horrible, horrible dream."

"Amanda, do you know where you are?" Lee asked softly, a pained expression on his face.

She slowly took in her surroundings. She was not home in bed. She was in the emergency room.

"It wasn't a dream was it?" She was still too groggy to sit up.

"I wish I could tell you it was," he said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Jamie!" Amanda sat up quickly - much too quickly. The room began to spin and nausea overtook her.

"Hey, take it easy," Lee said, trying to ease her back down.

She struggled against him. "I don't feel so good."

"No kidding. You're as white as a sheet."

"No, I mean I really don't feel...I...I'm going to be sick."

Lee grabbed an emisis basin from the tray beside the bed and handed it to her just in time. He stood behind her, a little uneasy. If it was anybody else...another time...another situation, maybe - he probably would have turned tail and ran or even tossed his cookies right along with her. But, this was Amanda...and Amanda needed him...and she needed him to be strong.

When her heaving subsided, he handed her a small box of tissue he had retrieved from the tray. She took a few tissues from the box, not looking up at him. At this time a nurse walked in.

"Well, I see you're not feeling much better," she said as she took in the scene before her.

"Why don't I take this," she offered, taking the basin from Amanda and whisking it out of the room.

Lee gently rubbed Amanda's neck and shoulders, then helped her to lie back down. He could feel her trembling all over.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, hoarsely.

He knew she was a little embarrassed - she'd never gotten 'sick' in front of him. No comforting words came to mind, so he just kissed her forehead and told her he loved her with his eyes. Lee told Amanda that Jaime had been in surgery for about a half hour and it would be a while before they heard anything. Also, Joe arrived a short while ago and was in the waiting room with her mother and Philip. After a while, Amanda was feeling well enough to sit up so he helped her to the edge of the bed. Soon after, she gingerly stood up, steadying herself by holding on to his arm. In the meantime, the nurse returned only to be shooed away by Amanda.

"I need to be with my family," she told the nurse.

"Amanda, you need to take care of yourself," Lee said after the nurse left.

"I'm feeling much better now. Really. I know you're worried about the baby..."

"Not just the baby. I'm worried about you...and Jamie. And, you know, you're not going to do him much good lying in a hospital bed next to him."

"I know, but I really am feeling better, and I want to go back to the waiting room."

Lee reluctantly agreed and allowed her to lean on him for support as they slowly made their way to her family. As they walked into the waiting room Joe rushed to embrace Amanda. Lee stepped back uncomfortably as she returned the gesture. He always felt uneasy when he saw them together. He hated that they still had special feelings for each other. He recalled that night when she had told him that she loved Joe, that she was always going to love him. The memory tugged at his heart. It was that special bond they shared. Philip and Jamie. 

'Jamie,' he thought. 'God, what am I doing. Amanda's going through the worse time in her life and I'm standing her feeling jealous like an idiot! Besides, she had finished that sentence with the fact that she was in love with me.'

The next couple of hours were spent watching the clock and waiting. Amanda sat between Dottie and Joe, with Philip on the opposite side of his father. Other than making a few coffee runs, Lee was feeling pretty useless. He had settled himself in a chair opposite them, facing the entrance. Watching Amanda with her family, huddled close and talking softly, he began to feel awkward and out of place.

'What am I doing here?' he asked himself. 'Jamie is Amanda's and Joe's son. I don't belong here.' A battle between his heart and mind raged relentlessly. His heart told him he belonged with his wife; that she needed him - for her sake and for the sake of his stepson and their unborn child. His mind continuously tried to poison his heart with selfish thoughts, like the fact that he was forced to take a back seat to Joe. He couldn't help wondering if their's was a normal marriage, would Amanda feel more comfortable about leaning on him or would she still seek comfort from Jamie's father. Before his heart and mind could fight for the right to answer, a doctor walked in. 

Everyone stood and Lee moved closer to Amanda. The doctor introduced himself and explained that he was the surgeon who operated on Jamie. His face was grim and he spoke in low, even tones. Jamie had sustained very serious injuries. They were able to stop the bleeding, but his kidneys were badly damaged. They were barely functioning. There was nothing to do now but wait. He was in recovery and they would be able to see him as soon as he was moved to a room.

Amanda looked like she had been punched in the stomach and Lee was afraid she would faint again. He reached around her waist to steady her only to collide with Joe's arm coming from the other side. The two men looked at one another. 'Did he just give me a dirty look' thought Lee. He shook his head; he was imagining things. His heart sank when, to his dismay, Amanda leaned into Joe and laid her head on his shoulder. Lee had to fight the urge to pull her away from him.

While this was going on, Billy and Francine had just finished talking to the woman at the nurses' station and turned to the direction of the waiting room.

"This doesn't look good," Francine commented as she eyed the scene.

"Yeah," Billy agreed. "Look, I'm gonna hang back. I don't want to take a chance on Mrs. West recognizing me from that 'Stemwinder' ordeal last year. Amanda's got enough to deal with."

Francine gave him a nod and headed toward the room. Out of the corner of his eye, Lee saw her walking toward them. He excused himself and met her halfway in the corridor. He told her of Jamie's condition and she seemed genuinely concerned. They talked a bit more about Jamie and how the family was holding up, then Francine blind-sided him.

"Lee, I know Amanda's your partner and everything, but Billy still wants you in that meeting tomorrow."

Lee was shocked. How could Billy even suggest that he leave Amanda at a time like this?

"He's here."

"What?" Lee said, shaking his head.

"Billy. He's here," she repeated, motioning to where Billy stood in the distance.

Lee looked over to see Billy watching them. He gave him a quick nod which was returned.

Turning to Francine he said, "Tell Billy he can fill me in. I...I think I better stay with Amanda."

"Fill you in? Lee, he needs you at that meeting." She looked over his shoulder into the waiting room. "Besides, it looks like Amanda's got quite a bit of support. Her mother, even her ex-husband."

"Well Jamie is his son too," he said, a little more defensively than he meant to.

"Look, Lee, Billy's expecting you at that meeting tomorrow. It's only for a couple of hours, then, I'm sure he won't mind if you want to come back here."

Lee looked from Francine to Amanda, now seated with her head in her hands, to Billy.

"All right," he said, reluctantly. "Tell him I'll be there."

As Lee turned to leave, Francine touched his arm. He looked back at her.

"Tell Amanda...we're all thinking about her and...we hope her son recovers soon."

Lee nodded to her, then returned to the waiting room. As he entered, Amanda stood to meet him and placed her hands in his. She had seen him talking to Francine and he told her that Billy was there as well, 'hiding in the shadows', to lend their support. He gave her Francine's message, but didn't tell her about the meeting. He figured he would just go back to the hospital later the next day. Her family would think it odd if he was to sit with them through the night anyway.

To Lee's surprise, Amanda suddenly leaned closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm glad you're here," she whispered in a shaky voice. "I'm sorry you've been kind of pushed aside...it's just that..."

"It's all right, I understand." He was just relieved to know she still needed him. He suddenly regretted agreeing to go to tomorrow's meeting.

The following day Lee concentrated on the meeting at hand as best he could, although he could not stop himself from discreetly glancing at his watch every few minutes. When it was finally over he practically ran out of the building. Back at the hospital Amanda and Joe sat holding each other, crying. Dottie, who was also in tears, and Philip, in a state of shock, stood next to them. 

'Oh my God, no' Lee thought as he stood before them. No one had seen him walk in, then, Dottie looked up at him, tears streaking her face. She put her arm around Philip and he, too, looked up at Lee.

"He isn't doing well, at all," her voice was hoarse from crying.

Lee was somewhat relieved. 'Not doing well' was better than what he originally thought when he walked in.

"His kidneys have failed," Dottie continued. "They have him on dialysis. The doctors say the only way..." she glanced at Joe and Amanda, "he needs a kidney."

Lee was overcome by guilt. 'I knew I shouldn't have gone to that damn meeting. I should have been here with Amanda.' He looked down at Amanda and Joe. For the first time since he and Amanda had been together, he didn't feel a surge of jealousy at the sight of them together. Instead, he felt their pain and fear of losing their child. He knelt in front of them and, without a word, embraced them both.

Once Joe and Amanda regained their composure, everyone sat huddled together. Lee was filled in with everything that had happened since he left. They doctors spouted their medical jargon, but what it amounted to was that Jamie needed a kidney to survive. Of course the family would be screened and tested for a possible donor but, just because they were blood relatives did not necessarily mean any of them would be a match.

"Where do I sign up?" Lee asked.

Joe was angered by his lighthearted comment until he looked up to see that Lee was very serious.

"You'd do that?" Joe asked, softening.

"Of course," was his solemn reply. Then, turning to Amanda, he said "Let's go do this."

Amanda was on the verge of tears again. Not only for her son, but for the love of this man who would so willingly give of himself when she would not have even thought to ask. She silently took his hand and led him out of the waiting room.

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
